She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you had me at cake vodka
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
