My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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