Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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