super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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