wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
