My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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