I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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