so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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