it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
