U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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