we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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