so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
