U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
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Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
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I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I love you. Go after that dick
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