Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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