you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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