You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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