I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
