I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
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I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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