Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
