dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
