I cockslap morals
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
