it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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