Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
this is an emotional support booty call
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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