Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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