i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
