Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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