You smell like stripper and shame
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
