she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
