she told me i tasted like america
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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