how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
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she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
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When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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