i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i love accidental penises.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
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sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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