Are we in a gay sports bar?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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