there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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