I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
