is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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