Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
