My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
