thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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