Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
