I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
