It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
God gave him joint rollers for hands
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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