eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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