toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
