the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
