I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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