I just made out with a guy for $7.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
