It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
