Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just cut my nipple shaving
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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