There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Can Purell be used as lube?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
