dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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