Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
