I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
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