So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
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