were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
