singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
