3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
