your thong is hanging out like whoa
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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