So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
