My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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