There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
