So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
