I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
