My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
