6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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