I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
