oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
