She said her name was "party"
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
