he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
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Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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