Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
