When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.