Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
