I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there