Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
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They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
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Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention