lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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