He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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