i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
