I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
