A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
