You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
its liver damage thursday
Randomize