I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
