Say something about gay babies.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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