I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Randomize
