whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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