Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
