; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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