Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
do nipples grow back?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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