Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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